


stumbling around, in the dark

by Oliraki



Series: ShinDrift Week [3]
Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Enemies to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Renegade reveal, Selectively Mute Drifter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-23 19:38:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19708084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oliraki/pseuds/Oliraki
Summary: "Love, to me, is stumbling around in the dark, trying to find the right words."- AtticusDrifter tries his best to stay cold, because that's all he knows. It's what he's used to — it's familiar. Sometimes, that makes it worse.





	stumbling around, in the dark

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Agent_24](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agent_24/gifts).



> Day 3: Warm/Cold  
> Written for #ShinDriftWeek on Twitter.
> 
> I woke up at 5am with no recollection of ever going to sleep in the first place. On my phone, I have notepad open and this is written inside:  
> "Drifter becomes mute on very bad days because during his time at the ice planet sound = death. At first it lowkey freaks Shin out bc he isn't used to Drifter being quiet, but eventually he learns sign language and doesn't make a big deal out of it."
> 
> Then I posted it on Twitter, Violet started to (rightfully) rant at me and I realized — I have to write this. I gotta.

Drifter knew better than to gasp for breath as he jerked awake — instead he bit his lip until he tasted blood, until he was sure that the coldness he could feel in his bones was because of the Derelict and not because he was back at _that_ planet. He let his eyes roam the makeshift bedroom, making sure to count the jade coins he had hidden in specific spots just for occasions like these, waiting for breathing to stop hurting.

The sudden weight at his waist made Drifter stiffen for a whole new reason, hands automatically reaching for the knife hidden between the bed and the wall.

"What's wrong?" Shin's voice was quiet, all careful like, but Drifter couldn't help the automatic flinch at it. It took him a bit too long to realize that the weight around his waist was Shin's arm — when he did, it was already too late, as Shin had withdrawn his hand in order to prop himself up on his elbows, eyes fully alert despite the hour. He ruthlessly snuffed the longing for the Hunter's warmth before it could entirely even form.

"Drifter?" The plain worry in Shin's voice made Drifter grimace as he rose up, casually letting go off the knife as he went — though apparently not casually enough, going by the way Shin tensed at his side. Drifter's slight amusement at that immediately turned to outrage as he realized that Shin didn't look threatened but concerned. For _Drifter_.

When Shin reached for him again, for whatever unknown reason that Drifter didn't even want to think about, his first reaction was to flinch away. Instead, Drifter caught Shin's wrist before the man could touch him, doing his best to keep the skin contact minimized despite neither of them wearing gloves — with his free hand, he made a miming sound, repeating it until he was sure that Shin got the meaning of it.

It had been quiet on that planet, until it wasn't. Eventually all the frozen deaths made them slowly grow more hushed — too little, too late, because it hadn't taken long for the damn things to find them. Suddenly, all sound had become the equivalent of death.

Drifter didn't like displaying anything that could be considered a weakness, even less to someone like Shin Malphur. However, with Shin looking two seconds away from pulling out a Golden Gun to chase away Drifter's ghosts — not that Shin _knew_ what had him spooked in the first place — he knew he had to either cut his losses or get a new damn ship when Shin inevitably managed to blow up the Derelict with a stray bullet.

Ghost transmatted a datapad to Drifter's lap before he had even made his decision, but Drifter didn't waste any time on releasing Shin's wrist so he could type out a short explanation — his hands were too shaky for sign language, and he wasn't sure if Shin even knew it. Thankfully, Shin stayed quiet through it all and kept his hands to himself, though the Hunter refused to completely move away from him. Their thighs were still touching and Drifter wholeheartedly despised how he longed for that warmth even more, now.

_Cool your jets, brother. Just a lil dream, 's all._

Shin looked doubtful, but instead of saying anything the Hunter reached for the datapad — and Drifter, surprised as he was, didn't resist at all as Shin picked it up and started typing out his response. Drifter didn't know what to think about that, didn't _want_ to think about what it meant that Shin was so quick to pick up on the situation. What it meant that The Man With The Golden Gun was _humoring_ him with such a move, instead of using it as a weapon to stab Drifter's back with.  
  
_Sounds like a lot more. Talk to me about it._

Drifter absolutely did not want to talk about it. He didn't want to talk about how freezing to death became the norm, how he couldn't stand warm temperatures for months afterwards when he got out of there — how he _still_ preferred the cold, after all this time, because it was familiar and he didn't want to face the unknown.

He didn't want to talk about how comforting Shin's warmth was, how he cherished it despite himself.

So he didn't. Instead, Drifter snatched the datapad away from Shin, tossed it somewhere over his shoulder as he straddled the other man. Before Shin could push him off, Drifter set his hands at the sides of Shin's neck — buried cold fingers into his hair as he pulled the Hunter up for a deep kiss that bordered on desperate.

Yeah, he didn't wanna talk about it.

* * *

  
Shin liked to think of himself as perceptive. It was a point of pride for most Hunters and he wasn't any different — a lot of various factors in his life _demanded_ him to notice the little things, the points of information most people usually glossed over. Yet, above all, Shin delighted in knowing all of these things.

That's why he was ticked off about never noticing Drifter's predicament before.

Could be that Drifter was just good at hiding it, which wouldn't surprise Shin at all. On the other hand, there had been a time when Shin had been more concerned with getting into bed alongside Drifter — he didn't like to admit it, but that didn't make it any less true. Now that he had _acquired_ that privilege again, it was.. easier to pay attention to the little things.

Shin knew a lot about Drifter — he knew that the man would never stop eating if he could help it, knew that he was weirdly protective over his Gambit regulars. He knew about Drifter's tendency to fiddle with the jade coins whenever he was stressed, about how his touches seemed to linger a few seconds too long even if he tried to hide it.

He'd known about how Drifter preferred the cold. Only now had he realized why.

Personally, Shin knew why Solar materialized to him as easy as it did — Solar was eager, hungry, intense. It was like a rampaging beast devouring everything in it's path, something intense that threatened to burn your very lungs, the heat oppressive even from far away. The effortless way it came to Shin told a lot about him.

Drifter seemed to prefer Solar as well, despite all of his talk about how _classes were bullshit_. Shin had never wondered about why Drifter didn't _feel_ like it — he was always cold to the touch, but he'd put that down as the Derelict being freezing all the time, had even thought it was because _Shin_ ran unnaturally hot, thanks to the blazing fire inside his veins.

It took a lot of needling and even more digging to figure out why Drifter woke up shaking sometimes, throat tight around words he couldn't get out. Most of the information he gained about this came from performing a few _Hunter tricks_ , as Drifter liked to call them, and maybe Shin should feel bad about it but—

He wouldn't say it out loud, not yet, but Shin had been downright _frightened_ the first few times it had happened.

Shin wasn't one to make a big deal about things, so he didn't. He took to carrying a notebook and pens with him wherever he went, left one next to Drifter's cot just in case the Lightbearer didn't wanna call up his Ghost to get a datapad. He kept silent whenever Drifter clammed up, even started utilizing familiar Hunter instincts whenever appropriate to limit any sources of sound. Even went ahead and learned sign language, though he hadn't got the opportunity to use it.

Until he did.

* * *

  
It wasn't often that Drifter fell asleep before Shin — not without Shin tiring him out first — but it wasn't completely unheard of. Shin had learned to cherish those little moments of trust and it had become a habit of sorts for him to just sit back and enjoy the occasion. It was easy to kill time by browsing Drifter's books or by fiddling with gun mods, but what wasn't easy was to watch Drifter jerk awake, shaking, eyes wild.

Shin knew better than to talk, and instead slipped down from his perch on top of the table. He made sure Drifter saw him first before he approached, kneeling in front of the other man on the cot — he waited until the wild look in Drifter's eyes disappeared, patient and with all the time in the world, before reaching out to warm cold fingers with unusually gentle Solar Light.

When Drifter finally breathed deeply in, without his breath stuttering, Shin let go of his hands and drew back enough to get some space between them — only enough to sign off a somewhat clumsy report of where they were and what time it was. Drifter looked surprised by it and if the situation was any different, that'd make Shin smug. Maybe someday he'd bring it up, the way Drifter assumed Shin didn't care, but now he only focused on keeping Drifter warm with a thigh against his.

_Your books are shit._ Truthfully, Shin wasn't quite sure how to handle a situation like this, but even he knew better than to ask Drifter if he was okay or something along those lines — he personally would've shot everyone who asked him that after Jaren's death, if they'd dared. _Almost as bad as your taste in food, and that's sayin' something._

Maybe, just maybe, Shin could get that apprehensive look out of Drifter's eyes. The same one Shin got every time he made it plain that yes, he _did_ care.

It wouldn't be easy, yet Shin had nothing but time right now.

**Author's Note:**

> I have so many feelings about these two. Thank you for braving through it


End file.
